Congratulations! You’re engaged and are so excited to start planning your special day! You may have asking yourself “should I do a first look?” You’re not alone! This is a decision you should make pretty early, simply because other decisions hinge on it.
I am personally such an advocate for a first look and it’s not just because they lead to smoother wedding days (spoiler, they do)! I love them because you get to be more present throughout your wedding day. However, having a first look is an intimate decision that only you and your fiancé can make. So let’s look at some reasons to do a first look vs traditional.
What is a First Look?
In case you don’t know, a first look is a moment set aside before the ceremony for the bride and groom to see one another for the first time in their wedding best and will typically complete their couples photography session immediately thereafter. Yes, the bride and groom come together BEFORE the ceremony. Now, some of you may be thinking to yourself ‘but that’s bad luck…’ It absolutely is not.
Let’s talk about that superstition and why it started; honestly its origin is pretty icky. So back in the days when arranged marriages were the norm it was customary that the bride and groom not even meet until they were at the alter. The fear was that the groom would find his future wife “unattractive” and back out. I imagine this happened more than a few times and thus one way or another some very ‘smart’ man with a very small ‘sense of humor’ came up with the idea that it was “bad luck.”
Seems to me legally obliging two people who have never met to live their lives together for the purposes of a business arrangement is pretty bad luck itself. But hey, olden times! (BTW this is also where the tradition of wearing the veil over your face originates, cringe)
How Long Does a First Look Take?
How long a first look takes will vary depending on what you want from that time. The first look itself happens pretty quickly once everyone is where they need to be, but the emotional response will vary from couple to couple. Other things to consider include if you’re exchanging private vows, giving gifts or signing your marriage license at this time. I don’t like to allow for less than 15 minutes for you two to come together. Typically I prefer to go directly into your couples session from the first look, so I like to have about 45 min blocked for everything.
Will They Still Cry if You Have a First Look Wedding Day?
Now, you may also be saying to yourself ‘but I really want the first time we see each other to be coming down the aisle, I like that tradition even if its origins are questionable, and I really want them to cry.’
I assure you that the first look will not take away from that moment they see you coming down the aisle. One does not replace the other and they are very different emotional reactions. Hot Take on the wedding dress reveal: The reason your boo cries when they see you coming down the aisle is not because you look fucking stunning (you do), but because they are revisiting your love story and how you got here; they are swept up in how much they love you and imagining your future together. They aren’t crying for your dress, they’re crying for your love.
I once had a bride ask if a first look makes the ceremony less important. Absolutely not! If anything it makes it more special and intimate. Think about it: when seeing one another in private you can hug, kiss and talk to each other. When you wait to see each other until walking down the aisle, you’ll be swept immediately into your ceremony with no real opportunity to engage with one another. So go ahead and do a wedding dress reveal, the emotional impact of seeing you coming around the corner and walking down the aisle with all of your family and friends present will still elicit the reaction you’ve dreamt of.
I get that choosing to have a first look wedding is a big decision, and you will ultimately come together with your partner, discuss and it and come to the decision that is best for you, but let’s look closer at some of the pros and cons of first look.
Reasons Not to Do a First Look Wedding
Reason Number 1 – Ceremony Timing
Are you having a traditional Catholic Mass starting at 2pm? If so there’s no need to start your day earlier than necessary to wind up taking your couples photos at high noon. The light is not flattering at this time of day and there should be plenty of time for photos after the ceremony. Typically there is a longer break between the ceremony and reception for Catholic weddings. This also makes the most sense when evaluating how many hours of photo coverage you’ll need.
Likewise, if you’re having a summer wedding nobody wants to do photos during the hottest part of the day. There are trade offs with all the decisions you make surrounding your wedding planning and I highly discourage booking a summer wedding if making it to cocktail hour is a priority. Check out my post Best Time for Wedding Ceremony: Creating Your Wedding Timeline to delve further into this topic.
Reason Number 2 – Tradition & Your Vision
Despite there being a huge push to do a first look these days, at the end of the day it is your decision. Maybe that moment is the one that your fiancé has always envisioned and is most excited for. This is your day, do what is right for you. I do recommend having this conversation early. If having a traditional timeline is a priority that you set yourself up for success by picking a date with a late sunset time.
Reason Number 3 – First Look Alternatives
Just because you’ve opted for a traditional timeline doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways to come together prior to the ceremony on your wedding day. Check out this post where I walk you through alternatives to a first look and their pros and cons!
Reasons to Do a First Look Wedding
Reason Number 1 – Togetherness
Your wedding day will fly by so freakin fast, don’t you want to spend as much time as possible with the person to whom you are saying I do? You will be shocked by how quickly your big day is going to rush over you. It is so easy to get caught up in all the little details, the photos, the mishaps, your loved ones. Just don’t forget the reason you have done all of this planning and all of this work. Your special day is ultimately about you and your fiancé. Not just you, not just them; but your union, your partnership, your love.
Having the freedom to maximize the time you spend together will be treasured in the end. You two can even go back to the bridal suite together before the ceremony! Or if you need to travel to your ceremony site you can go together!
Reason Number 2 – Emotional Connection & Soothed Nerves
The journey that you and your boo have been on is all culminating on this day. It’s not your best day ever, it’s your best day yet. No matter how long you have been together or how excited you are to exchange those rings, nerves are real.
I can think of one person and one person only I want to soothe those nerves. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of the support around you on your wedding day, but maybe mom isn’t great at calming you down, and your brides people and/or grooms folk will all have your back, but remember who you are doing all this for.
Connecting prior to the ceremony is an amazing opportunity for those reactions to be for you, not for your entire guest list while you are effectively on stage. When it’s just the two of you (and your photo team – sorry, but you’ll want these moments documented) you have the freedom to fully express yourself, to laugh, to cry and to be one with the person you love most! Bonus: your photo team will have a lot more freedom to document it).
Most importantly, you’ll both be feeling so confident when it’s time to walk down the aisle!
Reason Number 3 – First Looks allow for Private Vows and Gift Giving
If you plan to exchange gifts or share personal vows or letters privately a first look is the perfect time to do so. Think about it for a minute. It’s a hyper-emotional time that you two get to spend together without any other pressures. This is the moment to share those vows and exchange gifts.
Some soon to be newlyweds read their letters separately. This can be a beautiful and emotional moment, but you don’t get to share it. I’ve had couples read letters out loud during a first touch (when you come together before the ceremony, but don’t actually see each other) as well. What I hate about this is you can’t look each other in the eyes. Some opt to send gifts to the others getting ready suite; but then you don’t get to give it to them yourself.
There is something so personal and so special about the words and items you chose to share with one another on your wedding day, and it is so much better when you can be present and look deep when you do.
Reason Number 4 – It’s Easier on Your Wedding Party & Family
This is the point where I would be lying if I said that traditional timelines are not any harder than first look timelines. They are harder! And not just on your photo team and planner, but on you, your family, your wedding party and your guests.
After your first look we’ll have the opportunity to photograph you and your entire wedding party together! Imagine – not only is your hair and makeup fresh, but so is theirs. Nobody’s smeared their makeup crying during the ceremony. Or are feeling fatigued coming out of the ceremony needing to eat or sit down. And nobody’s feet hurt – well, somebodies feet may already hurt, but it’s that much sooner they can change into those reception shoes!
Sometimes we can even get a lot of your immediate family photos done beforehand too!
The goal is for YOU and everybody who has been there with you throughout the planning process to be able to enjoy the amazing party you’ve planned.
Reason Number 5 – Not Burning Yourself Out
Consider not only the photo list that we need to accomplish during cocktail hour, but all the other little things that need to happen between the end of the ceremony and your grand entrance into your reception. You’ll want to soak in the moment right after your ceremony, YOU’RE MARRIED!!!
First we’ll need to fulfill that family photo list. We’ll need to photograph the two of you with your entire wedding party, and we’ll be doing this quick! This way we can maximize your couples session- the star of the show! Take any travel around your venue into consideration and how that will take place. Then we have to get you back to where you’ll need to enter from, gather the wedding party, bustle the dress, and maybe if you’re really lucky you’ll get a small plate of food from cocktail hour.
If that sounds like a lot it’s because it is. And let me tell you, photo fatigue is real. Not to mention you are still high off of saying your I dos!
Alternatively, we could just be looking at a family photo list, a few more couples photos and maybe the need to make up something we ran out of time for prior to the ceremony. Leaving you time to recenter, grab some of your awesome cocktail hour hors d’oeuvres, bustle that dress and come into the reception riding that just married high!
In conclusion, there are a lot of factors that make a first look worth it, but it’s not right for everybody. You don’t have to do a first look to enjoy your wedding day! Nor will you miss out on emotions because you do. Now go talk this over with your fiancé and make the choice that is best for the two of you!
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